Keeping Your New Year’s Resolutions

 

With the arrival of the new year it is common for us to think about the physical and/or mental changes we would like to make in our lives. It is simple enough to make resolutions but many of us stay stuck with negative thought patterns and behaviours which sabotage the instigation of new habits. We may have ‘bad day’, feel stressed or tired and gradually we find old habits return. Our inner voice can be hard on us and self-criticism begins.

Researcher and author, Kristin Neff, assessed that a little self-compassion is needed. She states this is ‘being kind and supportive with yourself when you’re confronting personal weakness, challenges and setbacks’. By practicing self-compassion we help ourselves to heal and to be happier. Yoga practices this same philosophy. It teaches us that change does not happen overnight but instead we need to examine our negative behaviours and develop qualities we need to make the change(s). Neff has found that with self-compassion we are less likely to be discouraged by setbacks as we are free of guilt, self-doubt and worry of failure.

Habitual ways of thinking, acting and feeling (or samskaras as they are known in yogic philosophy) – good and bad – and are the result of conditioning. Often we are not even aware of them. To support positive change  in our life we need to understand the emotion behind a behaviour and heal it.

The following steps help your resolutions become a reality.

• Set your intentions or goals – write it down somewhere you can see it everyday ie on your phone, in your diary, on your fridge.
• Make a vision board, so that you and your subconscious are regularly reminded of the change you want.
• Create affirmations to support the new habits you are creating.

Step 2 – Commitment and Awareness: creating change is easier said than done and to do it properly takes time and planning.  We react impulsively to habits so if we take smaller steps and use mindfulness we will be slower to fall back into comfortable old routines. We can use awareness to understand ourselves better:

• Where does this pattern stem from?
• What emotions did I experience at the time?
• What does this behaviour mean now?
• How will I behave if I release this behaviour?

Insight cannot always break a samskara. We may feel a sense of frustration or uncomfortable feelings may arise as we release old patterns. This is where commitment and self-compassion (not self-indulgence) will prevent us acting impulsively and resorting to old ways. This can be the hardest phase and it is important to find routines or support which reinforce our commitment to understand ourselves and make change:

• Do a yoga class or exercise class
• Meditate
• Keep a journal or notes on your phone and refer to these daily.
• Find new positive habits to replace the old ones you are changing.
• Make small changes – so that it is easier to get back on track if you slip up.

Step 3 – Practice and Patience: as with any skill we choose to learn, changing habits takes practice. The mind is being gently ‘rewired’ (as it were) and needs constant reinforcement, insight and encouragement to work differently. Once we decide on change it is practice, patience and vigilance that will allow a better understanding of yourself and help you to develop the healthier patterns you desire.

Real change requires real effort but following these steps will help prevent you falling back on familiar unhealthy behavioural and emotional patterns.  They will give you the freedom to become the person you truly want to become. The release of negative or out dated habits then allows you to move forward with a feeling of clarity and positivity.

Marianne Harold

September 2016

References:

K. Neff, 2011, ‘Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind’, Harper Collins
Patajnali, ‘Yoga Sutras III.18’